Here are some entries from my journal.... the dates have been left out cos I didn't wanna post them.

It was the 11 of Jan, summer in New Zealand was at its highest.I sat on the steps of my college, waiting for the lecturer to arrive.I was pondering the necessity of the lecture on "suicidal tendency - the last stand against an insane world", in my quest to graduate as a psychologist.I looked around me, the sun was setting, the time was 5.30, but it wouldn’t be dark until around nine. The were three girls smoking to my right, all from of them Goths, one of them had Mudvayne blaring through her head phones, but still managed to be part of the conversation with the other two.I leaned in and just about got the last words of the conversation, "I hate that F@k*r, next time I see him...I’m gonna twist his head off". I smirked to myself imagining the poor fate of some guy in the near future.Just then a rather pleasant, welcome and familiar voice chimed beside me. It was Kelly, red-headed, strong willed and charmingly boyish, she would have fit in perfectly with the Goths."Hey dude, got a fag?” I never smoked, but never said no to offer of a cigarette, so i often had a spare for a friend in need.I handed Kelly the cig, she popped it in her a mouth lit up and blew the smoke in my face. "Thank you", i reminded her. She smiled, drew closer and gave me a light peck on the cheek, and said "happy?"It was the song blaring out of the Goth’s headphones, who I realised, was looking at us. I offered her a smile, she gave me the finger. Ironically my smile only grew wider, as my attention shifted back to Kelly. The sun was shining into her clear brown eyes and wind tossed her remarkably straight red hair, as she blew the smoke into the wind, she looked like the coolest girl in the world.As I sat there, awed i didn’t realise that she had noticed. She asked me rather coyly, "Are you falling in love?"The question took me by surprise. I knew Kelly for three years, and this was our sophomore year at uni, but I had never thought of Kelly as more than a friend.
So I just squinted at her and looked into the distance, life had taught me better than to say something when I wasn’t sure. She was still looking at me, when she offered me the cigarette back. I didn’t hesitate for a second, as I pulled in, the woody aroma filled my brain, and the smoke hit my lungs. There was no irritation, no sudden high – it just felt right. Me in that moment, with the cig in my hand and my friend next to me sitting in orange twilight, I felt like the coolest guy in the world. That was my first cigarette – the first time I felt that sense of ecstasy in the calmness of the moment.