hahahahahahahhheheheheheheheheh!!!!


no I'm not happy! i just needed to get that outta my system.

RE: post tRUST
:P at the person who knows its for them....

I have none :(

confidence...
where does that come from?

a good deodrant or a gigantic big Mac sized Super-Ego....

i dont have either.... :(

tRUST

Does she deserve it?
I dont know..... I dont even know anything about her... and somehow
i feel obliged to let her in to the secret sanctuary.

Perhaps she is yet another perpetual liar, who often seem to gravitate
towards me. Why?
that is a question i have often feared to ask myself.

Maybe, just maybe i'm the world's most Gullible cynic. The trouble is the midst of
all my sarcasm and self taught cynism i hope for the best.

Well hope, isn't it the bane on what humanity is built?

Rapid round aint around but who knows

hehehe.....
wudnt meena be proud!!

well a short period of peace at work, a first and hopefully not the last.
I guess as usual I've got something to get of my chest.
Ever had a time in ur life when you wanted something so bad, you scared yourself about how badly you wanted it.

For the first time in my life, my fear of myslef has led me to cease to function as myself.
and for those of you who haven't got a clue what I'm on about, Its the ice melt...
Spring! is in the air and christmas is around the corner, and I'm feeling guilty of dismissing that
great season of cheer for a commercial racket. But now I see how in the dreary mundane existance of the
average office goer, the seasons have such a dramatic impact on the quality of their lives. Many a time when
I dismissed my parents attempts at cheering me up wid their christmas spirit, for mere corporate slavery, I now regret having
fallen victim to the burden of the same yoke.

But there is now something better, something greater, a feeling that transcends anything and everything I have ever felt before.
Its exhilariting, its enthralling, its captivating and yet its driving me nuts............

what can I say, I'm not insane...... but definitely mad.... :(

ah ha!

Isnt it funny how a simple statistic can turn a good day BAD!

I have fallen victim to such a stat. That below average grade point that
distinguished me as a second rate individual has returned to hound me.
Gone were the days were I would be labelled as a number, thought I when I shed
the shackles of blue and white as I shook hands with the the adversary of my youth.
We both sensed a mutual relief, but we also were happy to acknowledge that life was
just a little less mundane in each others cross-hairs. My head-mistress was a woman of
great character and even greater rigidity. She was a woman of tremendous concentration and
few ideas, and was never once pulled away from the cause of the greater good. She led the school
through the most controversial period of its short history, and spending many a afternoon in her company
instilled in me a certain respect and admiration for this woman. But now I'll return to the story of the now and
save the many misadventures of my schooling for a more dreary Sunday afternoon.

Now coming back to the stat! I have just recieved my first appraisal (didnt that word send shivers done your spine).
AH! the irony of it all, leaving behind the high walls of the institution meant to ready us for a life of greatness and opportunity,
and take on the world where many a name was made. Battle ready and trigger happy we were arrayed to charge into an onslaught
and lay seige to our destiny. And alas! there it arose out of the great din of the commercial mayhem, a number that will label me as
nothing but a simple pawn. One day I might be a general, but the road to greatness is a long one, and my reckless charge has cost me
my noble steed and many a good friend. Some to the battle itself, and some to the greatness of their own. But now I am charged as nothing
more than the soldier, I soldier on to redeem myself and have lifted from my neck that yoke of doubt cast upon me by callous protocol of corporate
procedure. But perhaps all I have to help me proceed is the optimists creed and delusionary vision of a megalomaniac to drive me on. Or perhaps
there is a reason more spirited that my hopes have risen in the last 24 hrs....

The mirror shattered.

That sound! That horrible sound, it was louder than anything I had or have ever heard; but still I can’t remember that sound. As it floods my memories with a titanic crash, I remember my reflection in the mirror as my fist flew towards it.
My face, my eyes… oh that feeling… as my mother's mirror shattered, was like my stomach had instantaneously digested itself and now lunged at my heart. Those thoughts… fears. Those nine years of bad luck that were to follow, a penance I am still paying for today.
I could not take it, all that hatred for myself, had vanished. It was as though the demon I sought to injure had been released, and suddenly gotten stronger. He was now free of the confines of the one mirror, and smiled back at me from the many pieces that lay in front of me.

Blah Blah blah...... and some more Blahs!!!

That's all my life seems to be filled up these days. Apart from the occassional ray of sunshine that drifts into my weary cell in the form of an old friend, there is that moonbeam that strikes my pillow. I have to say that intially I did not quite like the moon beam, she was uninvited and always disturbed my sleep. But I guess with time, I have grown accostumed to her presence and now even look forward to her arrival.

The next few posts were random thoughts inspired by Orkut

Yes someone stole my heart and smashed into a million pieces...

and when i went to ask for it back, she threw it into the wind...

and she stabbed my soul, with a thousand twisted daggers of lies...

and when i thought i would be left to die, she laughed and scorned my woes...

and now i live, with the last of my breath, to forget the love my heart once knew,

to die in the cold abyss of dark, where the voice of a friend will not record.

Here are some entries from my journal.... the dates have been left out cos I didn't wanna post them.

It was the 11 of Jan, summer in New Zealand was at its highest.I sat on the steps of my college, waiting for the lecturer to arrive.I was pondering the necessity of the lecture on "suicidal tendency - the last stand against an insane world", in my quest to graduate as a psychologist.I looked around me, the sun was setting, the time was 5.30, but it wouldn’t be dark until around nine. The were three girls smoking to my right, all from of them Goths, one of them had Mudvayne blaring through her head phones, but still managed to be part of the conversation with the other two.I leaned in and just about got the last words of the conversation, "I hate that F@k*r, next time I see him...I’m gonna twist his head off". I smirked to myself imagining the poor fate of some guy in the near future.Just then a rather pleasant, welcome and familiar voice chimed beside me. It was Kelly, red-headed, strong willed and charmingly boyish, she would have fit in perfectly with the Goths."Hey dude, got a fag?” I never smoked, but never said no to offer of a cigarette, so i often had a spare for a friend in need.I handed Kelly the cig, she popped it in her a mouth lit up and blew the smoke in my face. "Thank you", i reminded her. She smiled, drew closer and gave me a light peck on the cheek, and said "happy?"It was the song blaring out of the Goth’s headphones, who I realised, was looking at us. I offered her a smile, she gave me the finger. Ironically my smile only grew wider, as my attention shifted back to Kelly. The sun was shining into her clear brown eyes and wind tossed her remarkably straight red hair, as she blew the smoke into the wind, she looked like the coolest girl in the world.As I sat there, awed i didn’t realise that she had noticed. She asked me rather coyly, "Are you falling in love?"The question took me by surprise. I knew Kelly for three years, and this was our sophomore year at uni, but I had never thought of Kelly as more than a friend.
So I just squinted at her and looked into the distance, life had taught me better than to say something when I wasn’t sure. She was still looking at me, when she offered me the cigarette back. I didn’t hesitate for a second, as I pulled in, the woody aroma filled my brain, and the smoke hit my lungs. There was no irritation, no sudden high – it just felt right. Me in that moment, with the cig in my hand and my friend next to me sitting in orange twilight, I felt like the coolest guy in the world. That was my first cigarette – the first time I felt that sense of ecstasy in the calmness of the moment.

My First Post

What should my first post be about?

It should be bold, out there and announce to world my arrival, but it should also be friendly, warm and tell a story of one that is yet to come.....

I guess I'll leave it at this for now....